I have an idea for a new reality show - Project Quilty. Here's how it goes:
Gather about 100 quilters and choose the flashiest, easiest to cry, most likely to stab someone with a needle and other Drama Quilting queens. Send the other 80 normal ones home. Put the remaining Quilting nutcases in a house with 20 machines, rotary cutters, thread, etc. Only supply 10 cutting tables that are the right height. Put out 10 good pairs of Gingher scissors, the rest steal from kindergartens. Supply ten Horn sewing chairs and ten folding chairs. Sprinkle this stuff around the house.
Week One: Pass out 20 fat quarters to each contestant and have each quilter design and execute a top for a baby quilt. Cut out the electricity randomly. Serve a really good breakfast but take away all the leftovers. Serve a late lunch from a Jack in the Box. Serve it cold. Don't serve any dinner and collect the tops from the 15 contestants still there by bedtime.
Week Two: Show gorgeous batiks in generous quantities. Give them to the quilter who complained the least about the mattresses. Give the rest skimpy amounts of Walmart fabric but lots of chocolate. Allow them to bargain and trade as they design and construct a Sewing machine cover. Jack the heat up about 4:00 pm. Collect the covers from the 8 contestants still alive.
Week Three: Take away half of the good tables, chairs and scissors. Do this with an armed guard. Pass out brightly colored jelly rolls of fabric. The project is a quilted bag with unlimited food and fabric. Play rap music really loudly. Turn it up. Pass out kleenex to those quilters who leave, sobbing, strips stuffed in their ears. Sell the 5 completed bags to pay for therapy for the remaining contestants.
Week Four: Pass out hand quilted heirloom quilts in museum quality condition. Everyone has the right tables, chairs, scissors and supplies. Food, temperature, music and lighting are ideal. This week's challenge is to cut up the quilt and create an item for a designer boutique. Smile when all 5 quilters run out the door protecting the quilts and losing rather than defiling another quilter's work.
Week Five: Name yourself the winner
It could be a hit, I know it!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Top Ten Things you will never hear a quilter say
10. Oh just drive on by, I don't need any fabric.
9. Sure, you can eat buttered popcorn while huddled in my quilt.
8. Those store bought quilts made in China are just as good as mine.
7. Bring your husband along on the shop hop.
6. Fabric for everyone, I'm buying.
5. That's fine dear, use the quilt to catch the oil spill from the car.
4. No problem, I can have it hand quilted in a jiffy.
3. Use my quilting money to buy Nascar tickets, good idea.
2. Turn the light down, I like it better when I can barely see the fabric.
1. Quilting, I can take it or leave it.
9. Sure, you can eat buttered popcorn while huddled in my quilt.
8. Those store bought quilts made in China are just as good as mine.
7. Bring your husband along on the shop hop.
6. Fabric for everyone, I'm buying.
5. That's fine dear, use the quilt to catch the oil spill from the car.
4. No problem, I can have it hand quilted in a jiffy.
3. Use my quilting money to buy Nascar tickets, good idea.
2. Turn the light down, I like it better when I can barely see the fabric.
1. Quilting, I can take it or leave it.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Quilting like watching sports on TV
My husband claims to love watching his favorite sports on TV yet he yells a the players, the refs and the coaches constantly. This is a fun hobby?
What would it be like if quilters enjoyed their hobby this same way? What would you hear coming out of the sewing room?
"Great job, you thread, way to knot up." (Sarcasm font on last comment)
"Come on fabric, what are you, blind? How can the right sides not be together?"
"What kind of stitch is that? Who makes a stitch like that?"
"Way to go, needle, just break because you hit a lousy button."
"Sew like a champion today."
"Sew, sew, SEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
"Who runs out of thread in the middle of the project? Lousy quiter."
"Gimme a Q, q. Gimme a U, u. Gimme an I, i. Gimme an L, l. Gimme a T, t. What's that spell? Quilt. Louder. QUILT! LOUDER. QUILT!!!
"Throw the fabric out, get rid of it! Send it back to the factory."
"Seamed, YES!"
Instead you hear the whirling and humming of the machines, maybe an occasional sigh followed by a chocolate break. I think we are better off that quilting is not like sports. On the other hand, some of our favorite quilters would then be multimillionaires.
Sew! Quilt! Thread that needle!
What would it be like if quilters enjoyed their hobby this same way? What would you hear coming out of the sewing room?
"Great job, you thread, way to knot up." (Sarcasm font on last comment)
"Come on fabric, what are you, blind? How can the right sides not be together?"
"What kind of stitch is that? Who makes a stitch like that?"
"Way to go, needle, just break because you hit a lousy button."
"Sew like a champion today."
"Sew, sew, SEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
"Who runs out of thread in the middle of the project? Lousy quiter."
"Gimme a Q, q. Gimme a U, u. Gimme an I, i. Gimme an L, l. Gimme a T, t. What's that spell? Quilt. Louder. QUILT! LOUDER. QUILT!!!
"Throw the fabric out, get rid of it! Send it back to the factory."
"Seamed, YES!"
Instead you hear the whirling and humming of the machines, maybe an occasional sigh followed by a chocolate break. I think we are better off that quilting is not like sports. On the other hand, some of our favorite quilters would then be multimillionaires.
Sew! Quilt! Thread that needle!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Hand quilting
I am home from one trip and about to leave on another. I have been knitting in the car like crazy. But today, I got to work in my sewing room. I am starting on maybe one more project for book club this Sunday and the machine quilting on the t-shirt quilt. I used to not like machine quilting, then I had my first one done. Oh, not bad, not bad at all! In fact I like it and I want to do it at my own house, in my own sewing room.
I love my sewing room, it is my refuge. My newest addition is my Gammill Longarm that I got about a year ago. It is 12 feet wide so it can accommodate any future king sized quilts that need quilting. I have hand quilted two king sized quilts in my life and I am hoping I am not foolish enough to ever do another.
I remarried in 2000 and of course, a new quilt was more important than the wedding ceremony. Naturally I missed the wedding date. By 10 months, but hey, that clearance comforter looked really good and the scratchy 100 thread count matching sheets were pretty nifty. I just kept quilting and quilting. When I thought I was done, nope, there was a whole new section that was not yet quilted. Finally it was on the bed and I hated it. What a disappointment, I was just sick. I looked at it and decided the pillow shams were so 80's - who was I, Mrs. Roeper? (That's a Three's Company reference for you young readers.) I updated the pillows and I have updated them since then. What I discovered was that quilts only look old fashioned if what you have around them is out dated, quilts never go out of style.
My oldest daughter married in October of 2008, announcing her engagement in that January. 10 months? I can do it. First just let me make shower gifts for all three of your showers (plus a few copies for me to eliminate quilt envy) oh and some hand made gifts for the daughter of a dear friend. OK, the top is done and I am ready to start quilting. How much time is left? 6 days? Well, I can at least have it done by Christmas. Well, how about her birthday in April? For sure, it will be done by their first anniversary. Or the second. Or perhaps the January after? Hey, don't judge me, that quilt was 12 feet by 12 feet and I hand quilted every freaking inch of it!
For those of you who have been paying attention, yes, I do have another daughter and she will probably get married one day and want her own hand quilted quilt. King sized. But until then, I will purr at my Longarm and make more deadlines. Well, I'll be at least closer to the deadline.
I love my sewing room, it is my refuge. My newest addition is my Gammill Longarm that I got about a year ago. It is 12 feet wide so it can accommodate any future king sized quilts that need quilting. I have hand quilted two king sized quilts in my life and I am hoping I am not foolish enough to ever do another.
I remarried in 2000 and of course, a new quilt was more important than the wedding ceremony. Naturally I missed the wedding date. By 10 months, but hey, that clearance comforter looked really good and the scratchy 100 thread count matching sheets were pretty nifty. I just kept quilting and quilting. When I thought I was done, nope, there was a whole new section that was not yet quilted. Finally it was on the bed and I hated it. What a disappointment, I was just sick. I looked at it and decided the pillow shams were so 80's - who was I, Mrs. Roeper? (That's a Three's Company reference for you young readers.) I updated the pillows and I have updated them since then. What I discovered was that quilts only look old fashioned if what you have around them is out dated, quilts never go out of style.
My oldest daughter married in October of 2008, announcing her engagement in that January. 10 months? I can do it. First just let me make shower gifts for all three of your showers (plus a few copies for me to eliminate quilt envy) oh and some hand made gifts for the daughter of a dear friend. OK, the top is done and I am ready to start quilting. How much time is left? 6 days? Well, I can at least have it done by Christmas. Well, how about her birthday in April? For sure, it will be done by their first anniversary. Or the second. Or perhaps the January after? Hey, don't judge me, that quilt was 12 feet by 12 feet and I hand quilted every freaking inch of it!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Quilt stores on the road
I love my local quilt store, it is my true and trusted friend. It is located on my same block which may or may not be a good thing! I have run up there for advice, a spool of thread as well all the fabric for an entire quilt. It was my first source for long arm quilting before I got my own. I love it, I really do but when I go on vacation there is nothing I enjoy more than discovering a new place to indulge my fabric habit.
"Hello gorgeous" was my enthusiastic response to the store I happened upon in Hannibal, MO. My next response was: I. WANT. IT. ALL. There were four rooms and I could barely breathe by the time I got to the last one. Plus, my husband was napping in the car. Be still my heart and focus, Kathy. But the new fabrics! The bright fabrics! The new kits! I was debating, did we really need to buy groceries this fall, could we skip paying for the utilities? Breathe, Kathy, breathe! You may get a few treats, put those bolts down. No, you may NOT buy one whole room.
Luckily, I had remembered my blood pressure medicine that morning so the only serious damage was to the credit card. One kit, 3 yards, one fat quarter bundle, two books, a couple of panels and one or two other trinkets made it into a bag and then the back of our car. I climbed in the car, had a sip of water and fought the urge to go back a second time.
Someone recently asked me what my favorite quilt store was and I truthfully answered I don't have one. I find a quilt store on every trip and all my souvenirs are gathered from these treasure troves. I've bought fabric in Leadville, CO, Aix-en-Provence, France and Paducah, KY. For fabric, I am the equivalent of the bad girlfriend. I am always flirting with a new store, calling out "Hey there sailor, show me what you've got." Sometimes I remember where I got all the lovelies in my stash and other times I have no idea. I am lucky to have Quilt stores to channel my fickle side, my wandering eye and my untrue heart.
Then I get in the car to the true love of my life who takes me to all these stores and pretends to believe me when I answer his query, "What you'd get?" with "Oh, nothing much." Now that's worth my unwavering loyalty, plus... he's really good at driving me places!
"Hello gorgeous" was my enthusiastic response to the store I happened upon in Hannibal, MO. My next response was: I. WANT. IT. ALL. There were four rooms and I could barely breathe by the time I got to the last one. Plus, my husband was napping in the car. Be still my heart and focus, Kathy. But the new fabrics! The bright fabrics! The new kits! I was debating, did we really need to buy groceries this fall, could we skip paying for the utilities? Breathe, Kathy, breathe! You may get a few treats, put those bolts down. No, you may NOT buy one whole room.
Luckily, I had remembered my blood pressure medicine that morning so the only serious damage was to the credit card. One kit, 3 yards, one fat quarter bundle, two books, a couple of panels and one or two other trinkets made it into a bag and then the back of our car. I climbed in the car, had a sip of water and fought the urge to go back a second time.
Someone recently asked me what my favorite quilt store was and I truthfully answered I don't have one. I find a quilt store on every trip and all my souvenirs are gathered from these treasure troves. I've bought fabric in Leadville, CO, Aix-en-Provence, France and Paducah, KY. For fabric, I am the equivalent of the bad girlfriend. I am always flirting with a new store, calling out "Hey there sailor, show me what you've got." Sometimes I remember where I got all the lovelies in my stash and other times I have no idea. I am lucky to have Quilt stores to channel my fickle side, my wandering eye and my untrue heart.
Then I get in the car to the true love of my life who takes me to all these stores and pretends to believe me when I answer his query, "What you'd get?" with "Oh, nothing much." Now that's worth my unwavering loyalty, plus... he's really good at driving me places!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sewing metaphors #4
This is the final installment in this series. (Stop that clapping!)
A quilt by any other name is still a quilt!
Those wall street bankers just bought out a few too many quilt stores.
Poor Aunt Clara, she's stitched her final quilt.
She is one quilting hot babe!
That guy can snuggle under my quilt any day!
She's a regular gal, a real Josephine the Quilter.
Wow, she's the rising Quilter of the Democratic Party!
A quilt by any other name is still a quilt!
Those wall street bankers just bought out a few too many quilt stores.
Poor Aunt Clara, she's stitched her final quilt.
She is one quilting hot babe!
That guy can snuggle under my quilt any day!
She's a regular gal, a real Josephine the Quilter.
Wow, she's the rising Quilter of the Democratic Party!
Sewing metaphors #3
That is great! You really quilted it out of the frame.
That Romeo, he really threaded his needle.
You are so close, just bind it!
She's not the sharpest needle in the quilt.
She had a lot of beer, she really sewed on one!
Are you leaving yours in the comments?
That Romeo, he really threaded his needle.
You are so close, just bind it!
She's not the sharpest needle in the quilt.
She had a lot of beer, she really sewed on one!
Are you leaving yours in the comments?
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