Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Quilters vs. Zombies or Vampires

My husband often dreams about Zombie invasions where he is the hero, saving us all from these creatures.  (No, I am not making this up.)  He remarked somewhat offhandedly that he would not be as successful against Vampires because they are very quick.  In his dreams couldn't he be quick?  Apparently not. 

I often dream about sewing.  Super exciting, yes?  These are my favorite dreams, I am very successful in these dreams, no mistakes, no ripping. 

Hmmm, what if you combined all these elements?  How would quilters stand up to Zombies and shudder to think, Vampires?

Zombies:  Slow, eat humans, don't sleep.  Kill them by destroying the brain.

Vampires:  Fast, drink blood, fear daylight and sleep in coffins.  Kill them by staking them through the heart.


Here goes the dream:

You are in your sewing room, trying to finish a quilt for a present for tomorrow.  Here come the Zombies, slowly.  Grab those bins of fabric that you have been meaning to go through.  Shove it in the Zombie's direction, tripping him.  Tip over huge stack of quilting magazines and books you've been saving for the past 20 years.  Bam, right on the head, brain destroyed,  done.  Go back to your stitching.  The deadline is way scarier than the undead. 

Next invasion:  Vampires.

Again, you are in your sewing room sewing the binding on that same quilt.  (A mere zombie invasion does not dissuade a true quilter from finishing.)  Vampire zips into your sewing room and announces he wants to drink your blood.  What?  Blood?  That's impossible to get out, not going to risk that near your quilt.  Quickly, flip your OTT light from focusing on your sewing to a direct beam into his face.  You chuckle at the screams and flip your yardstick across the room, effectively staking him in the heart.  Again, no problem for a Quilter we have faced true emergencies like running out of fabric or thread.  Return to final stitches.

Quilt - done
Vampires and Zombies - defeated
Score one for the Quilter, no, score three for the Quilter!

You're welcome for this interesting dream scenario for tonight. Don't worry, you are sleeping under one of your quilts, you are invincible. 


  1. This is by far your best post. I love the references to zombies and vampires.

    1. I knew you would love it, I basically wrote it for you!


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